Sex Etiquette

This book came to my collection by way of a tongue-in-cheek present from a friend. It’s only apropos to review the book on the day of enforced love, Valentine’s Day.

Photo credit:

Nerve’s Guide to Sex Etiquette by EM & LO Photo credit:

The book takes the reader through the whole dating experience from the first meeting and courtship to long-term relationships and break-ups. There’s even sections on “ex etiquette” and rules for the best friend of the “dumpee”. The authors have all eventualities covered.

The book speaks with a breath of delicacy and seduction from the very beginning. One advice on table manners during a date goes:

…be particularly careful in managing ticklish delicacies such as frankfurters, bananas, lollipops… and ice cream, lest the exhibition encourage undesirable… advances.

But the title in no way misrepresents; the bulk of the book is dedicated to S-E-X. It offers etiquette in all its desirable flavours: cherry, vanilla, rocky road and passion fruit, to name but a few (innuendo intentional). This book explores virgin territory, booty calls, threeways all with a tone of respect.

My favourite bit of the book is the ‘Suggested Timeline for Various Intimacy Milestones’. It’s a guide from the first date to the first year and at which point to attempt “moves” so as not to offend your partner’s delicate sensibilities. According to the timeline, a kiss on the cheek (possibly lips, but no tongue) on the first date is acceptable but “heavy petting” would not be appropriate until after the 4th date.

It is a thoroughly enjoyable read, and if taken with a pinch of salt, it becomes a sort of “relationship guide”. I highly recommend this book to everyone, to those who are 18 going on 60 or the 40 year old virgin.


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